All I can say on this one is, “It’s about time.”
Dear U.S. Government,
Well it’s been a heckova run, nearly, what? 237 years? Not bad. That’s 37 years more than the average vampire non-breathes, but on the scale of “living” things, not that impressive. Some bristlecone pines are over 5,000 years old and colonizing aspens have been found to date over 80,000 years. Of course, most common trees average around 120 years, so you did better than that. Congratulations!
How’d you do when compared to empires, because an empire was certainly the wish of many of your supporters.