After reading a story on CNN about how there are a percentage of people who still believe that we did not land on the Moon, I felt I had to set the record straight. Here are a few facts:

The Breatharians and those who practice Inedia do not go far enough. We were born from Dark Matter, during an immense Solar Flare aeons ago (And the kind which will destroy the Earth in 2012 – if Planet X doesn’t get here first.). We lived, free and happy, needing only sunlight for sustenance, and having all of space in which to roam. Then a few evil amongst us mixed anti-matter into our sunlight. Anti-matter doesn’t destroy our kind, it just makes us feel negative about things. When we were feeling our most negative, they convinced us to chain ourselves to this planet, and taught us the unecessary, but hard to break, habits of eating, sleeping, breathing, needing water, etc.

So, of course we’ve been on the moon. The Aliens taught us how to land, temporarily on planets. And they’re still out there waiting for us to re-join the inter-galactic community. I know many will doubt me, but I have incontrovertable proof. Peruse this picture:

This is a picture of space where the Aliens had put up a galaxy-sized sign, asking us to rejoin them, and giving us directions on how to do so. If you look closely at the lower right-hand corner of the photo, you can see a bolt that was left behind when the Evil Ones removed it. And, in the lower right-hand corner, you can still see the end of the extension cord they used to power this sign. I know it may be difficult for you to discern, but using optical equipment, of my own design, I can see it quite clearly. Most frightening, however, is, if you look at the dark spot near the center, you can see one of the Evil Ones – laughing at us.

It is vitally important that we learn to divest ourselves of these Earthly delusions, and rejoin our galactic comrades in space. The Mayans have predicted that the world will end in 2012 – at least that’s when one of their calendars stopped, and that’s good enough for me. How can we not believe a civilization that could predict such things (although preventing their own demise might have been a better priority)?

So, to all of my brothers and sisters out there who get laughed at – take heart – soon we will all be destroyed, and that will show them. And, when they laugh at you, and tell you to adjust your tinfoil, point out to them that the laugh is on them – the Aliens ships are made of tinfoil – it not only saves on weight, but keeps in their tasty goodness. And, of course, remember, that only by supporting ME in a style to which I wish to become accustomed, will you be able to save yourselves, so send money – send LOTS of money, because only money can save us.

Have a nice day.

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